Motherhood, Unfiltered: Raising Secure Kids in a Noisy World

Motherhood, Unfiltered is a fly-on-the-wall bonus series featuring honest, no-BS conversations about the real, lived experience of motherhood — exactly as it’s unfolding. 

Join Lizzy & one of our favorite practitioners from our Collective, Alyssa Simpson while we have a completely candid conversation about our current realities as mothers.

We unpack how child development, attachment, and boundaries shape confident kids, while sharing raw stories about family help, mother-in-law tensions, and choosing community with intention. We explain why slow home days matter, why words stick in the subconscious, and how to protect energy from people-pleasing.

Connect with Alyssa on IG @_alyssasimpsonx

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Chapters

• 0:00 Second Baby Doubts And Timing
• 1:05 Toddlers’ Brains And Discipline Limits
• 2:50 Sleep, “Bad Habits,” And Attachment
• 5:15 Words That Program A Child’s Identity
• 7:20 Healthy Clinginess And Daycare Debates
• 10:05 Valuing Home Days And Presence
• 12:05 Daycare Anxiety And Early Attachment Wounds
• 15:25 Touch, Affection, And Making Up For Gaps
• 18:10 Mother-In-Law Promises And Letdowns
• 22:10 Boundaries, Access, And Repair
• 25:10 Redefining Community And Self-Awareness
• 28:00 People-Pleasing, Energy Leaks, And Resolve
• 30:40 Choosing Family First With Clear Lines

Transcript

SPEAKER_02: 0:02

You know, of course challenging, but just because you're in a new, a new identity, a new, you know, you're a whole new person, and you understand what I'm talking about, but you just think like, could I do this again? Did you feel that way before you had Blake?

SPEAKER_01: 0:21

Yeah. I well, I knew I wanted to do well, no, I didn't. Yes. I was like, do I really want to do this again? Because it's the whole pregnancy part in addition to then having the child. And I actually wanted to wait another year before I had Blake. So it would be, excuse me, I would be having her right now if I had waited as long. And I think it would have been easier, you know, because he was three instead of two.

SPEAKER_02: 0:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 0:50

You know, it's a whole different just when they're growing up, one year makes a huge difference with like what they can and can't do. And so it I think it just would have been a little bit easier talking to or like having a three-year-old when you have a baby, you know, than a two-year-old.

SPEAKER_02: 1:06

And plus two, like from the age of zero to three, they really s really do not understand like the whole discipline stuff or like responsibility. It's like their brain literally isn't developed to that point yet. So it's really hard to treat them like an older kid when you have a baby because they don't necessarily get it, you know. So it's like you feel nuts because you're like, I literally am telling you this every five seconds. Like, what is going on? They can't comprehend.

SPEAKER_01: 1:35

I know. I have to. I'm here, like I said, with my dad and his wife, and I have to be like, Dad, he's three. You know, like, dad, he's three. Like relaxed.

SPEAKER_00: 1:48

What did you just say to me? What did you just say?

SPEAKER_02: 1:52

Just not like he's 15. You know, like calm down.

SPEAKER_00: 1:56

Oh, come over there. I'm not come over there.

unknown: 1:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 2:00

Yeah. I have friends that are very much like, you know, the whole like gentle parenting thing, but they like they let their children run the house and it like drives me nuts because I'm like, I get what you're trying to do, but I really feel like you're setting your kid up for absolute failure. Because like you need to tell them like what I say goes.

SPEAKER_01: 2:16

You know what I mean? Yes. My dad like takes it to the other extreme, and I think when he looks at me, he's like, he looks at me like you look at them. Like I'm being so easy on them and just letting him him do whatever, you know, because that's how my dad sees you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00: 2:35

That's I'm sure that's what he thinks when he sees me with him. He's like, she, you better not let him be able to do this. He's gonna, he's training you. He's training you. He's gonna let you, you know, that's what he's doing.

SPEAKER_02: 2:46

Oh my gosh, that whole thing is so fucking crazy. Cause yeah, so with me and Lonnie, like his sleep has been like all consuming my life. Cause you know, don't let him sleep in the bed with you. They need me independent sleepers and it's like, number one, why would you tell a new mom that? Like, let me do whatever I feel like is best for my family. Number one. And number two, they again, their brains do not have the bad habit taking advantage part of their brain formed until they're seven. Like they literally can't manipulate you until they're seven. Their brains will not allow it. So it's like this whole like you're building bad habits thing with anything we do, is like, can we stop with that narrative, please, and maybe just like read a book on the developing brain? Because that is so false, you know. So false. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 3:35

Yeah. I constantly, every person, I try to tell every person, if it just comes up in our conversation, I'm like, yeah, you know, their um subconscious is developing up until they're seven. I'm like, everything that you do and you put in their little brain and what you who you tell them they are, that becomes their background running for the rest of their lives. And then they get to like their 30s and 40s, you know, they're us, they're our age or older, and they have to do all this work to undo and unprogram all the stuff that you told them, you know, they were. I'm like, so I am very it's so funny because I get so mama bear about people telling Jackson who he is. Yep. And I'm like, my mom told him once, she goes, that was mean. You're mean, you're mean. And I look at her, I said, he's not mean. Don't tell him that. You know, I was like, that he did not do that to be mean.

unknown: 4:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 4:29

You know what I mean? Like I'm like, just whoa, whoa, whoa. I don't tell anyone, I'll tell anyone. Honestly, I'm like, whoa, whoa.

SPEAKER_02: 4:37

Like back it up, back it up. No, I'm the same way. I'm the same way because once you learn that and you know it, you're like, oh my gosh, I can't, like, children are so, yes, they're resilient in the sense of they're not going to die, right? But the resiliency does not mean that they understand how their subconscious brain is working, and it is literally our jobs to program them in a way where they can be independent, think for themselves, have a strong will, have good self-confidence and trust and all these things. So it is the whole like, well, they're not gonna remember. They won't remember, but they remember. You know what I mean? Like the conscious mind's gonna forget, but their subconscious mind is clocking this and storing it and wiring how they're going to adapt whenever they are seving it up, you know?

SPEAKER_01: 5:26

Yeah, yeah. It's okay. So then the other thing that I want to say that I'm wondering how you feel about is so his wife, well, fiance, wife, whatever, you know, they've been together forever. Um, they're like, Well, the wow, he's really attached to you. Like, they're really attached to you, but he doesn't know daycare, does he? And I'm like, no. And they're like, Well, that's why. That's why he's really attached to you. Like, like it's some sort of bad thing that that my kids love their mommy and want their mommy and want mommy to do it, you know, because they're like, Well, I'll do it. And they're like, No, mommy, do it. And they're like, Well, I'll just do it. And then he's like, No, you know, and then they start freaking out when they keep, I'm like, y'all keep poking him. You want to know why he like gets ramped up? Is because you keep coming back at him. Like he said no. Don't keep asking him questions to get him to try to say yes. Yeah, he's gonna keep saying no. So, like, quit poking him.

SPEAKER_02: 6:21

Exactly, exactly. Because here's the thing that people don't understand. They're like, they don't understand that children they it doesn't just one day shift when they turn a certain age, where they all of a sudden can be taught and and and understand things. It it starts when they're fucking born. You know what I mean? So, like, and also healthy attachment, like being attached to their parent is a good thing. So it's almost like I would ask people if they say that to me, like, well, do you want him to be attached to some stranger that we don't know at a daycare? Would you rather have my children calling out for Miss Susie at fucking kids are us than calling out for mommy when they need something? Like, don't you like that I as an adult woman am still relying on you as my parent? That's what I'm teaching them, that I'm always their safe space. Because when they know they have someone who is safe and loves them, then they can't have that trust in themselves. They're not validating and trying to find external sources because they're being instilled right now that they are safe, cared for, provided for, and loved. That doesn't just happen when they're 13, 14, 15. It's happening right now. And honestly, let's ask every person who's in a retirement home who has kids if they could turn back the clock and go back to when their babies needed them, would they? Absolutely, because it's a fleeting time. One day our kids aren't going to call out for us and need us. It'll be their significant others or or someone else. So like cherish it and be proud that your kids love you so much that they want you.

SPEAKER_01: 7:51

Yeah. That's what I tell people. I'm like, well, you know, it's not gonna be like this forever. Literally, he's not gonna want me like this forever.

SPEAKER_00: 7:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 7:59

One day he's not even gonna let me like kiss him anymore. You know what I mean? Like, and so yeah, I'm I remind myself that, and I'm like, so I gotta enjoy this while I got it, all of it. And everyone's like, oh, you're so easygoing about all this, or you're so this, or you just, you know, you don't complain about anything, you just kind of do all these things, and I can't even believe it. And I'm like, well, you know, I decided to be a mom, you know, and I decided to have two kids, and and I love them and I understand what's going on right now, and so I'm here. Yeah, you know, and like and I think I think everyone they want you to do all these things outside the home still. And I and I'm like, yes. However, if my whole day is spent at the house, it's not a wasted day. Correct. You know, it's not a wasted day. If we spent the whole day at the house playing here and watching some movies and clean doing dishes and going outside with the dogs and cleaning some dinosaurs in the shower, and you know, like that's fine. Yeah, you know, and like don't tell me that that doesn't count, you know, or that isn't as important. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02: 9:14

Yeah, because it's the what we do every day, right? Like, of course, children are gonna remember like the big extravagant things and the memories, but it's that they're gonna talk about their childhood for the rest of their life. And I want it to be that mom was there.

SPEAKER_01: 9:28

Mm-hmm. Yeah. That dad was like I had the opposite. I had the opposite. What did you have growing up?

SPEAKER_02: 9:34

Oh yeah. I uh I mean, the I was a daycare kid and it was horrible, you know. Like I had such anxiety as a kid, and now that I'm an adult, I understand where that anxiety came from because it and I always wondered, like, why do I have such this like abandonment issue? And it's because I was told to like figure it out with strangers for all my childhood, you know, like even in the summer, I would go to daycare. And during school year, I'd go to daycare. Like I didn't spend a whole lot of time with my parents growing up as a kid. And I always wondered, like, well, I they never abandoned me. Like, I don't, like, my parents never divorced. So, like, where did this come from? And it's literally because I had to rely on others to regulate my little nervous system. I didn't have the safety of mom and dad. And that truly made me an anxious and abandonment-filled, scared kid. Like, I would cry to my mom when she would drop me off every day and beg her not to take the elevator at work. She worked in downtown Dallas, and I would beg her, like, please don't take the elevator because I just thought she was gonna die. Like, it was gonna clip and die, or like that she would like get in a car accident on the way there, or like I would have to go to like CPS. Like, I had I was so nervous that I would be like stripped from my parents because every day I essentially was. So I was just like, please make sure you pick me up, pick me up at the end of the day. And I have a very vivid memory of the daycare driver picking up from school and dropping us off at school. And I remember getting out of the van and I like held her her arm because she was driving, and I was like, please make sure that I get on this bus when you come pick us up today after school. She was like, Okay, Alyssa, I will. And I was like, like, promise me like you'll make sure that I'm on the bus and like you don't leave me here. And she's like, I promise. So like I was just so worried and scared that I would have to, I don't know, figure it out on my own as a kid. And it it's because I didn't have the attachment to my parents as a child, you know? And we we took family vacations, they of course like we had weekends together, but truly and honestly letting strangers raise me affected me as a young adult, you know.

SPEAKER_01: 11:36

Yeah, you know, hearing hearing you say all that, it's so interesting because I feel really uncomfortable when my mom and my dad like hold me or like hug me or something. You know, like I like to touch other people, but it like when they just like come up and touch me or something, or like you know what I mean, like just touch your shoulders or you know what I mean, not like anything weird, you know, or like come and and they just like want hugs. I guess once I'm in the hug, it's like any other hug, you know. But like for some reason it gives me like it gives me a little uncomfortable and I am all over my kids. Like I am hugging them, I'm like cuddling them, we rustle, we're rolling, like I'm kissing them all the time. I'm like I tell them how much I love them like constantly. And I think, and I I think like just hearing you say all that, like makes me feel like I really am the way I am as a mom because maybe I didn't have that, you know, growing up because I didn't go to daycare. So mine is different in that my parents got divorced when I was five, but since even before that, my mom went back to work. She had like popped out three kids and they went back to work. And we had au pairs. So I had a different nanny that came from overseas and lived with us for a year. And so they would come and go to school and then live with us and take care of us. And it was kind of like they would get like a visa, you know, to do this. It was like a program because I was born outside of DC. So, you know, being in Washington, DC, there's all this international stuff going on, you know, and all these things. So that's right. Probably how they got plugged plugged into this program. And um, so I would have a different au pair every year from the time I was like four or five. And they would come from different countries. And I was so terrible. I was so terrible.

SPEAKER_00: 13:24

Like I would call the cops on them like I was a time the terrible child that you hope you never have. That was me. That was me.

SPEAKER_02: 13:39

Lizzie's like finding weed and like stashing it in their pockets and calling the cops on like they have their woman. But like six years old. Yeah. End up drug dealers in the park and the pot to put on.

SPEAKER_00: 13:51

I would like pretend to go to school and then run around to the back of the house and hide in the basement.

SPEAKER_02: 14:00

Oh my god. So yeah, very, very different. I was like, please, I just want to be home and just care for it. Get me the hell out of here.

SPEAKER_00: 14:14

So funny.

SPEAKER_01: 14:26

And I have weasel energy. Like weasel energy was my spirit animal of my youth, and that's when you know things that you shouldn't know. Like you see the things behind the scenes, you read between the lines, you happen to see things, hear things, like that kind of stuff that you that you shouldn't. That was me. I would like find pieces of mail. I would like try and call my mom and his phone and it'd say, like, bitch, you know, it would like like all sorts of different all sorts of different stuff. So, you know, but it's kind of, you know, we had similar things where like we didn't spend much time with our parents, but in a very different setting. And so, like in very different settings, but we have we almost like kind of missed that connection with them, you know, from our youth where we feel really like I feel safe with them and like I know I'm safe with them. And um, but I would say that like throughout my life, there has been, and I think this with a lot of people, like a lot of adult people, is that we don't feel supported by them all the time. And that can be a very sad, like it could be a sad thing when that happens, when like that's a realization that you have, and you're like, oh my God, I like can't rely on you the way that I thought I was going that I that I thought I could, you know.

SPEAKER_02: 15:52

Yeah, I'm literally experiencing that right now with my mother-in-law, you know. So like both of my parents are dead, my father-in-law is dead, so she's like the only living grandparent that my son has. And whenever I got pregnant, it was like, I'm gonna be there for you. I can't help, like, I'm gonna be there to help no matter what. And then slowly and slowly and slowly has that been chipping away. And she has five other grandchildren. The youngest are six, the oldest is 14, and I think that she just overcommitted. But now it's almost like a there's like a battle happening because it's her with this understanding of like, we're taking my child away from her because she isn't very reliable. But it's like, I have the convenience to find reliability in childcare, whereas your other grandchildren's parents don't because there's five of them, you know. So it's like they kind of bend at whatever she says, and we have the luxury of not having to do that. It's like if you can't work within our needs, then we're gonna find someone who can. And so it in her mind, it's we're taking her grandchild away from her. But here's the thing no one gets access to your children. Like, just because you're family, just because you've known someone forever long or whatever, like you don't get access to my child because you're blood or whatever. Like, I have to do what's best for me and my family. And if you can't respect that, then maybe the whole relationship in itself is very misguided and misleading. Because in my mind, when you say you're gonna be there for someone and love them, it's unconditional, like unconditional community, unconditional love. And the second it starts to feel conditional, I'm out. Like I don't because I have, I feel like so much self-awareness that I don't, I'm not going to play those kind of games with people, and I'm not going to blur my lines and my boundary for the sake of a relationship with someone, like outside of my husband and my son. Do you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01: 17:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 17:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 17:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 17:49

Some people might think it's selfish, but I I think it's it's healthy as shit.

SPEAKER_01: 17:54

No, I do. You know what? I freaking love that, and I wish that was me. Like, I wish I was in your place when you say it comes to like, hey, fit into these parameters.

SPEAKER_00: 18:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 18:05

Or like it don't work. Because well, I guess like I don't know, because I'm having the same issues right now with my mother-in-law, but it's the opposite. It's we're like, we're having the same things. We're literally feeling the same things, but the story is different with the same people. It's like, it's so interesting right now because that is interesting. I literally, when we were supposed to hang out on Wednesday, this is why, you know, it honestly, it was no big deal because all this shit hit the fan for me like the night before with my mother-in-law. So I we were in town for Thanksgiving, you know, back in Texas, and I asked her to help for three times with the kids, be like a month, a month and a half ahead of time, because there are scheduled meetings. You know, it was like a Tuesday night January junior league training, a Wednesday night junior league meeting for my committee that I like run, and then Thursday morning dentist. And like you and I were supposed to hang out Wednesday with the kids all day, you know, and I was gonna do stuff with the or go to the zoo. I was gonna go to the zoo or something, you know. And um, we were home for two weeks. She didn't help watch them one time. My husband and I watched them the whole time, like we were always with them. You know, she wasn't like, oh, have a date night or oh, get some time to yourselves or anything, nothing like that. And weeks before this, I had talked to her and talked to her about how I was having a really hard time because I didn't have any help. And Bo was working all the time, and he was working six, seven days a week. So I was mothering six, seven days a week with no workouts, no breaks, like no nothing, because they weren't leaving before I got up and not coming home until 7 p.m. when it's dinner time, you know, and like I have to work it sometimes, so I work in the evenings, you know, things like that. And I was like crying to her on the phone, and she's like, Oh my god, I'm gonna help. Don't worry, like, send me the dates you need, blah, blah, blah. Like, that's what family's for. I've missed you guys, blah, blah, blah. So she watches them. Tuesday night and I tell her exactly when I'm leaving, exactly when I'm gonna be home. I'm like, or when it ended. I'm like, look, it ends at 7 30. I have to clean up and then I have and I have to leave. And people always linger, I'll leave at 8. I'll be home like around 8:30. I'm not taking the toll way because I don't have a toll tag anymore. Okay. And she's like, okay. She texts me at 8:36 and she says, Jackson fell asleep at 6. Blake fell asleep at 820. You're late. I'm never watching the kids again unless Bo's home. Even when I tell you not to be late, you're still late. I'm sick of this. I'm tired of it or something. And I didn't see the text when I before I got home because I was just coming home. And I wasn't rushing because I'm like, five minutes isn't worth me killing myself. You know what I mean? So I got home at like 8 43. Okay. I came straight home. You know, like, what does she think I'm doing in those 10 minutes, you know, time that like messed it up. And so I come home, all the lights are off. They like slam their bedroom door. Then she comes out, like yelling at me about leaving the keys out so Joe can move my car. I was like, I'll park on the street. She's like, no, all this stuff. I hadn't seen the text yet. So I'm like, what is going on? You know, kids were asleep. We were staying there. So it's not like she all she had to do was be at her house. She didn't have to do anything. So, like, what was the problem? They were already asleep. Like, I wasn't even out doing something for myself. I was doing something for other people. You know, I was hosting a training, you know, and then and she's like, I'm never helping with them again. So then in my mind, I'm like, well, now do I have to ask her again if she's gonna watch them tomorrow night or Thursday morning? Because Bo already left back for Alabama. I had stayed because I had those obligations and she said she would watch them. So like she was so like her energy, her, she was so rude to me. She sent me that nasty text. Like, but her just the way she treated me when I got home, especially when, like you're saying, the whole conversation before that is like, I'm so excited to be there for you. I love these kids. Like, please let me help them. I'm missing them. Like, let yeah, let me help you. Cause I know what I know you need help. I know you need help. Let me help you. And then you let them help you, and it's this huge fucking thing. And like I literally like woke, got up at 6 a.m., packed all our shit up, cleaned the crap out of her house, stripped the sheets, put them in the wash, started the wash, vacuumed the floors. I'm talking like clean the fuck out of the house so I didn't have to hear any little thing. Because anytime I miss something, they like nitpick at me, like nitpick about it. So any anytime I miss something, you know, it might have been a poop in a, I might have left a poop in a uh, what do you call those uh paper towel ones on the counter?

SPEAKER_00: 22:51

But you know what?

SPEAKER_01: 22:52

Mom, mom, Brian, mom, right. I had I apologize about that one.

SPEAKER_02: 22:56

I already said I'm sorry. Sorry about that one in the teller.

SPEAKER_01: 22:58

I'm sorry. But I swear, I literally cried like most of the way to Alabama because my whole bubble was like this relationship I thought I had with her.

unknown: 23:11

Yep.

SPEAKER_01: 23:12

I'm like getting emotional about it now. It's over. Like I'm still processing it. You know, so this is the whole thing about like the podcast this month is that we're talking about January as a threshold month and like honoring that threshold. Like we're still we're we're processing what we've just been through as like the completion of the year nine. And like, and then the one is about to start. So like kind of like this being the time. So I feel like I'm still processing like this emotional thing with with her because I worked for her for eight years. Like I know her, she knows me. We have we're supposed to have this relationship. She's a functional medicine practitioner. You know, I do all this. We have this other kind of relationship in that kind of way. We have this thing where we see eye to eye on a lot of different things in terms of how we live, what we eat, all these different things. But somehow there's like this disconnect, and I don't know what the fuck is happening. But like, it's like I just she's like at the bottom of the totem pole now with kids, and like she was at the top, you know, and like I don't even want to talk. She didn't even call me. This was like December 3rd. She didn't call me until December 23rd was the first time she reached out to me, like 20 days later. I did not even I didn't answer the phone. I was like, you can talk to your son. You wanna, you wanna talk to you wanna deal with the kids, you fucked up lady. Just like you uh and she probably thinks she's right, but like those like she said she hasn't brought it up to me at all because she knows I'm not on her side, you know, and so I just let her have the relationship with her son now. And we talked, like, we FaceTimed him on Christmas. I'm not like gonna keep him from the kids, like that's not the thing. But it's like you want the relationship, you're gonna have to go through your your son at this point now. Sorry.

SPEAKER_02: 24:54

Yeah, no, it the literal exact same same thing has happened. Like her and I, my mother-in-law and I, like, we don't our relationship is done because she spoke to me like absolutely nuts. Like she mocked me, mocked the way that I speak, mocked my business. What? Yeah, yeah, dude. Yeah, because I I um d changed her, like she was supposed to watch him every Friday, and it became like too overwhelming for me because like being tied to that kind of a schedule, like it was just too much. And she ended up like doing some things that you know it was inconvenient for me. Like I'm having to cater around her, and it's like, if you're here to help, I need you to help. You giving me a time frame of like when I can get my dentist appointment done, and like you have to be back in your house, and like I don't know, it was just like a crazy thing. So I told her, like, hey, I'm gonna pause our Fridays, and she like went off on me. And I told Josh, and Josh called her, and as I'm telling him, he's like, Did she say anything else to you? Did she say anything else to you? Because he's hot at this point. He's like, You are not going to speak to my wife like that. It and same thing with her and I, like, we've had a great relationship. Like, we've gone out for lunch and had coffee and we talk more than her and her son do. But now I'm like, you talk to your son. She has texted me three times since this happened a month ago, and I don't respond. I tell Josh what she says, and he responds for me if it's a question that she needs an answer to. Um, our wedding anniversary is tomorrow, and she offered to watch our sons for us to go out, and it's like you're not even going to address the huge elephant of you kind of losing shit on me for no reason. Yeah. Um no, no. Like, because my opinion is you don't get to have a relationship with my children if you can't remedy the relationship that you and I had.

SPEAKER_01: 26:29

Oh my God, yes. I feel the same way. I have that with my sister right now, unfortunately. It's like if you can't be a big girl and have a conversation with me, and we need to clear the air and we need to get to some sort of like understanding where we're both at, so we can have a relationship, you know, that's respectful and loving and trusting. And like, then I'm sorry, you don't have access to my kids.

SPEAKER_02: 26:54

And I don't know why that's hard for people to understand, but here's why they can't understand it's because there's only I read this thing not too long ago, and it's only like 10% of the population have self-awareness. Everyone else doesn't. So they can't, they can't come at things with what do I contribute to this drama and this dynamic or this fallout or whatever. Like they can't come at it that way because they only see their side and they literally cannot see the other side of it or even hear you. Um, they're very defensive when you try to have a conversation. Instead of like coming to an agreement, it's either they sweep it under the rug or they get defensive and freak out on you. And what I am learning through all of this season and the whole, you know, leaving things behind and we're on this threshold, which is very apparent in my life as well, is the idea that we have about community doesn't have to be the traditional one. I mean, I've already felt that because I don't have family really, you know. So I'm in the process of manifesting my own community that's outside of bloodlines, right? Like, and it's okay, it gets to be that way. But community is so important, but I'm also in the position in my life where I'm setting an example for my son and future children that I'm not going to let people act a certain way and still have access to me just because we've known each other for so long, or your family, or whatever. Like, I don't care. Like, life is too short for me to cater to other people that can't have this decent human thing and be kind and meet me with love and support and understanding. Because the second you don't come at me with that, I don't have room for you in my life. Like, I will cut people off so fast, I will put up a brick wall, and that is showing that we don't tolerate the bullshit and like that's my boundary. That doesn't mean that I'm gonna approach someone ugly or or unkind or rude. Like, I will I will respect you because I respect myself. Number one, I'm not going to disrespect you because I respect myself, but my boundary is more important than catering to your emotions.

SPEAKER_01: 28:49

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02: 28:50

And it is what it is.

SPEAKER_01: 28:52

I think that's why like like it's from the outside, it's like it's like an I don't give a fuck. You know what I mean? Yeah. But it's like, yeah, I mean, yeah, that's that's really kind of what it is.

SPEAKER_02: 29:03

But I give so much of a fuck, and that's why I have the boundary.

SPEAKER_01: 29:06

Yes, I give so much of a fuck that I don't give a fuck. Like to the outside. You know, I'm gonna do I care so much about what's going on with my family, with my kids, with me, with the people that I touch, you know, with my influence, my energy, everything that I got going on, that I don't have time for any of this bullshit on the outside. So like you're either with this or we just don't have the time for you.

SPEAKER_02: 29:31

Yeah. And and it's I wish you the best. I hope you will. I hope you have the most beautiful and abundant life. Yes. Because I want that for myself. So I'm gonna wish it on to you as well, but you don't get access. Yeah. I have no issues with you. You do you, I'll do me.

SPEAKER_00: 29:45

Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_02: 29:46

I'm gonna cheer you on from very afar. I'll see you when I see you. Yeah, very afar.

SPEAKER_00: 29:53

I like that.

SPEAKER_02: 29:54

Yeah. And it and it's, you know, it's part of that, it's part of the thing that you kind of realize at some point in your life, right? Whether you're a parent or not, you get to a level of your life where you have to take radical responsibility for the role that you have played and what have you allowed, right? And speaking in universal terms, like the universe is going to present you with the same opportunity to put your money where your mouth is until you finally do it. So for me, I have always been like, I'm overcoming this people pleasing, you know, my whole life. I've been a people pleaser. So it's like I'm always overcoming it. And then the universe is like, okay, great. I'm gonna keep giving you these opportunities to overcome it. And then I had my son, and now I'm like realizing just how much more I still had to heal and deal with. And so I'm like, okay, universe, like, I really we gotta, we are done with this, we're done people pleasing. The only people I need to please is my immediate family, my husband, and my son, and that's it, and myself. Um, everyone else, they just get the bonus of it, you know. And so the universe presented me with not only my mother-in-law, but I had this issue with a client, I had this issue with a friend of mine, like all at once. And I seriously said, like, whoever has my voodoo doll, stop putting needles in it because I don't know if I can take another fucking thing, and then I get into a car accident and I dent my beautiful, lovely car, you know, and I'm like, okay, I fucking hear you. What do I need to do? I'll do it. And it all just boiled down to me being presented with, okay, you're really done, then let's be done. Here's all of the ways you are so leaking your energy. Are you going to put your money where your mouth is? Or are you gonna continue to appease these people and be a people pleaser still? So I really had to look at it as okay, this is happening for me, not to me. How am I going to approach this in a way where I'm gonna be proud of how I approached it and also setting an example for my son?